Chapter Seven:
Life without the Elder Nicholas
The life of Alexey passed in prayers and simple work.
Long winter, wonderful spring, short summer, autumn, after which the severe winter came again… Again and again, it was necessary to find in oneself more and more of God’s Light and less and less to be sad about the imperfections of this world.
Gradually, Alexey’s life was filled more and more with the Presence of God!
The elder Nicholas became very weak in body…
Sometimes, he asked for Alexey’s help to rise from bed and kneel before the icon. And, it at times happened, that he did not get up at all to pray.
He became — as if transparent, as if the soul did not hold on in the body anymore, but has moved to a completely different world.
A bright smile was on the lips of the elder all the time, as if he already saw his abode of paradise…
So, quietly, with a smile on his lips — he departed from this life.
… It was as if Alexey had been orphaned without the elder Nicholas.
He could hardly get used to the total loneliness.
While the elder Nicholas was there — everything was easier!
The elder guided the routine of their entire life. And there was a feeling that with each passing day, they were approaching the Heavenly Kingdom by souls.
But in solitude — Alexey did not work even to maintain the normality of prayers before God and regularity in life.
Sometimes he was flushed with a burning love for God, life was filled with a sense of the Presence of God nearby! And it seemed that with just a little bit more — all the unknown secrets will be revealed to him!…
But then again came the feeling that he is missing the main thing which he must do, and that he is wasting his strength, and that good and love on the Earth does not increase from his spiritual labors, and that no warmth and light come to the children of God!
Alexey undertook stricter fasts, all his life became more ascetic. He exhausted the body with hunger and unceasing prayers, eager to comprehend the World of God.
Thoughts about the meaning of his own life, about the purpose of being here on the Earth — filled Alexey again and again with dissatisfaction for the lonely ways of monastic life.
After all, he did not want to “save” himself alone when he accepted the monastic path! He dreamed of dedicating his life for God and for people!
He read the Gospels again and again, trying to apply to his life what Jesus told His disciples.
And Alexey decided to start helping those who lived in the surrounding villages.
Before, he also wanted to do this, but the elder Nicholas dissuaded him saying: “Do not force people to live by your faith, to have faith according to your thoughts! Everyone is responsible for oneself before God!”
Now Alexey decided not to instruct the lives of people with his spiritual preaching, but simply to help in what they needed, since: “whatever you did to one of the least of these brothers and sisters of Mine, you did to Me” (Matt 25:40).
And he began to help widows, the elderly and infirm in their hard life. He repaired leaking roofs, cleaned the wells, chopped firewood, wrote petitions…
He himself defined this as his monastic obedience. And it was more joyful for him due to the joy and surprise of those people who did not expect help from anyone — either God or people.
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